Thoughts on my wife
My wife, Rebekah, has a new job. She now works for a state agency that designs, trains, and enforces regulations to make sure the folks giving supports to other folks who have disabilities do a good job.
She has a long history of working in this field… supporting folks with disabilities and supporting other folks who support folks with disabilities. She has a common sense, realistic approach and a genuine desire to make her part of the world a much better place.
Plus she’s hot and lets me look at her naked.
Her new job allows her to work from home. I won’t lie, I originally pictured this as her lying in bed with a laptop, in her pajamas with the TV on and a bag of chips within arm’s reach.
I was so wrong.
Our new home has a little “cut out” in the bedroom that she’s using as her office. It’s not very big. In truth, it’s not a proper office for someone like her. She needs more space. We may do some modifications to the garage so she can have more space.
Regardless, she’s busy as all hell. I took a sick day last week and that chick busted her butt all day long researching Virginia Code, reading important looking stuff… ok admittedly I have no idea what she was doing because I was downstairs on the couch watching DVDs on the floor (no cable yet and my brother hasn’t hung my TV). I assume she was working because she didn’t come down to see me and goof off even once.
I don’t have the self-control to stifle a laugh when a stranger farts… at a funeral… and she can be trusted to sit in her own home all day with literally no oversight whatsoever and do her job. She’s incredible. And when she’s not doing that, she’s traveling all over the state (in her semi-sweet state car) talking with other providers (like me) and trying to make sense of the mess our Commonwealth has made for itself. That’s a long boring story even if you work in this field so I’ll spare you the details.
Basically lots of changes are happening and only a few of them make sense and no one understands any of them and everybody is pooping their Pampers as a result.
My wife is one of the folks trying to quiet everyone’s fears and untangle the mess.
And who better? The following are the top four reasons why Rebekah is so trusted:
- She has more patience than anyone I’ve ever met. Her two children can be the most frustrating demons on Earth, and yet she has resisted the urge to eat her young for 11 years. She also has a history of working with very difficult people both in her personal and professional life. With few exceptions, those folks all respect her, even when they don’t like what she has to say. And why is that? I’ll tell you… It’s because…
- She’s honest. If she doesn’t know, she’s going to tell you she doesn’t know. She isn’t going to make up some bullcrap on the spot just to sound credible (I do that, but I just happen to be awesome at it… don’t tell anybody). She’ll also tell you what you need to hear when you need to hear it, even if you don’t want to hear it. She works in a world where there are thousands of people who need thousands of things and the system in place to meet those needs is flawed at best. She will fight (and has fought) to get the needed things for the folks doing the needing, and if she can’t do it she will tell you… and then she’ll keep trying anyway because…
- She is dedicated. If she says she’s going to do it, it’s going to get done. End of story. It might take a while, which happens when you’re trying to solve a few hundred problems at once, but it’ll get done.
- She’s kind. My wife sees the value and positive attributes in everyone she encounters, even when she’s pissed at them (good thing too… otherwise, you know, divorce). She just genuinely likes to solve problems for people and revels in a satisfaction most people will never know. And not because of a paycheck (our field pays shit), but because she helped somebody. When I first fell in love with her it happened to be the first time I saw her. She was wearing green nursing scrubs and was supporting a particularly challenging individual with a developmental disability. It was my understanding at the time that the guy she was helping was kind of a dick… and yet you could tell how much she cared about his satisfaction just by watching her interact with him. And I should know, I watched for a while and not just because she looked incredible in those scrubs.
I mentioned that her job requires a bit of travel. I should admit, I never find myself more motivated to write about my wife than when she is traveling.
Last night she had to stay in Richmond. I slept alone, unless you count the Rebekah-shaped pillow configuration I made on her side of the bed.
She worries about that. No, not the pillow pile, the being away from home. She almost didn’t take the job because she was afraid she might be needed at home but would be too far away to get there “in time.” I assured her everything would be fine and that we had enough of a support network to pitch in if we needed help with the sprats.
It’s a thin line between saying, “I can handle things without you from time to time,” and “We don’t need you.” The truth is… I am quite capable of handling things without her. I handle things without her just fine. Yesterday I got the girls to their various day time destinations, picked them up from said destinations, fed them (healthy food too), and got them to bed at a reasonable hour.
I handled yesterday just fine. And that’s what you do in situation that isn’t ideal… you handle it. Nobody bled and everybody was happy. Handled.
But the truth is… it’s awful when she’s not home. I don’t mean to suggest she needs to quit this job. I mean to suggest that despite my uncanny ability to “handle” things without her… it’s almost impossible to enjoy things without her.
Chili Dawg and I had several days and nights together while Bob was at camp and Rebekah was on a business trip (that sounds so grown up!). We had a lot of fun together. It was just the two of us and it was great. I feel like we communicated very well and got even closer. It was actually a great opportunity.
But I missed my wife. I don’t miss that Chili Dawg has an invisible umbilical cord when mommy is around and therefore doesn’t enjoy my company as much… but there are nuances, looks, quips, exchanges, moods, tones, etc. that don’t exist when she’s not there.
She’s coming home tonight and I’m very excited. Keep in mind, she’s been gone less than 2 days. But I miss her. I want to hear about her day and her trip and all of that and I want to move that damn pile of pillows.
Whipped (adj): guy that can’t function without his female significant other due either because of manipulation or lack of sense of self.
It’s not quite that bad. I just know that no matter what fun I might be having, I find that I want her to be a part of it. And if we could score a babysitter, I’d probably take her to the next poker game… if one ever happens again.
I hope the girls grow up to have that same natural default to pleasantness. If you’ve met Rebekah you know how you respond to her. She makes it very easy to relax around her. I couldn’t socialize my way out of a wet paper bag (shut up, I have no idea what that means). I hope Bob develops that same demeanor… along with a good right hook because unfortunately it’s easy to take advantage of folks who are naturally kind.
Back to that patience thing… I’ve earned a few shots to the nuts over our 2+ year marriage. And yet, she hasn’t cashed in on any of them. I can be a real asshole. It’s genetic. I don’t think that makes her a pushover though I do need to be careful, as other folks have certainly done their share of shoving.
But when I think of all the petty stuff I’ve argued and fought over in previous relationships… or all the random shit I’ve seen other folks argue and fight over… I’m amazed at what I have. It’s not an issue with us. Oh we bicker plenty and we’re not without our issues, but I get the sense that 9 times out of… 9.1, I’m the one that needs to get over it.
And what have we learned?
My wife is obviously a master manipulator. She’s sunk her talons into my back and has been wielding me like a weaponized puppet since the day I first laid eyes on her. She knew even then… years before we were a couple, that she had a target in me. She has me believing I’m wrong and she’s right in most of our conflicts.
She’s got me to the point that I write three or four pages of flowery nonsense just because she went away on business (so grown up!!) FOR ONE NIGHT!
She’s even tricked everyone around her into believing she’s this sweet, innocent yet sassy creature capable of unlimited kindness and comfort while all the while plotting her eventual ascent to world dominance… or at least Dan dominance (… that reminds me of something else to look forward to when she gets home).
Pretty sneaky of her… I mean, you have to respect the effort that goes into unconditionally loving a person and supporting them through all of their ups and downs asking nothing in return but a fraction of the love that was so freely given. She even got her kids in on this game!
And she hasn’t just tricked me, she’s tricked all my friends and family too. Had I the fortitude to rebel against this obvious Jedi mind-trick I might be able to wriggle free of its hold on me.
But alas, I cannot.
So there you have it… she must be destroyed.
